How do we choose our romantic partners? How has choosing a partner changed in the last 50 years? 25? Even 10 years? What role has technology played in forming and maintaining our relationships? And has technology had a net positive impact, or negative? You might expect answers to these questions to come from Dr. Phil, Dan Savage or Dr. Ruth. But Aziz Ansari? What does he know about this sort of stuff?
Surprisingly-or not once you start reading Modern Romance- a lot! Along with sociologist Eric Klineberg, Ansari has waded through countless studies on relationships, conducted focus groups around the world and has enlisted the help of reddit for a massive online focus group. The Ansari/Klineberg team also combed through data provided to them by Match.com and OkCupid.com. Even with all of this data on their hands there are a few limitations in regards to the content of the book. First, it is primarily focused on heterosexual couples. Ansari states that he felt it would require a separate book to examine the impact of modern technology on homosexual relationships-maybe we can hope for a follow up! Secondly, the people he spoke with and the data he received came mostly from the middle class. So if you’re looking for information to land a sugar momma/daddy then this book won’t help much.
Ansari tackles all the aspects of dating from the first stage to the last. It may not come as a surprise that the way we meet has changed since the 1930s. But did you know that 1/3 of all marriages in 1930 came from couples that lived in a 5 block radius from each other? Today, with emerging adulthood and the internet our radius for potential partners has expanded to all corners of the world.
Another effect technology has had on dating is time-as in: how long should I wait to respond to an electronic advance. In the old days (read: 20 years ago) you may have gotten an answering machine the first time calling someone new. Then it may have taken them a couple of days to get back to you and it was no big deal. Now in the age of instant communication, we’re having crises of confidences if a text hasn’t been answered in 20 minutes.
The book isn’t all data and science-there is also a smattering of advice and little insights into Ansari’s own life. He even included a feature from his latest Neflix feature-actual texts from people’s phones. One section even deals with the optimal type of dating profile pictures (spoiler: ladies-leave your pets outta there! Men- keep them coming!) If you are looking for your information with a side of comedy, then Modern Romance is your jam.