How do we choose our romantic partners?  How has choosing a partner changed in the last 50 years? 25? Even 10 years?  What role has technology played in forming and maintaining our relationships?  And has technology had a net positive impact, or negative?  You might expect answers to these questions to come from Dr. Phil, Dan Savage or Dr. Ruth.  But Aziz Ansari?  What does he know about this sort of stuff?

Surprisingly-or not once you start reading Modern Romance- a lot! Along with sociologist Eric Klineberg, Ansari has waded through countless studies on relationships, conducted focus groups around the world and has enlisted the help of reddit for a massive online focus group. The Ansari/Klineberg team also combed through data provided to them by Match.com and OkCupid.com.  Even with all of this data on their hands there are a few limitations in regards to the content of the book.  First, it is primarily focused on heterosexual couples.  Ansari states that he felt it would require a separate book to examine the impact of modern technology on homosexual relationships-maybe we can hope for a follow up! Secondly, the people he spoke with and the data he received came mostly from the middle class.  So if you’re looking for information to land a sugar momma/daddy then this book won’t help much.

Ansari tackles all the aspects of dating from the first stage to the last. It may not come as a surprise that the way we meet has changed since the 1930s.  But did you know that 1/3 of all marriages in 1930 came from couples that lived in a 5 block radius from each other?  Today, with emerging adulthood and the internet our radius for potential partners has expanded to all corners of the world. 

Another effect technology has had on dating is time-as in: how long should I wait to respond to an electronic advance.  In the old days (read: 20 years ago) you may have gotten an answering machine the first time calling someone new.  Then it may have taken them a couple of days to get back to you and it was no big deal.  Now in the age of instant communication, we’re having crises of confidences if a text hasn’t been answered in 20 minutes.

The book isn’t all data and science-there is also a smattering of advice and little insights into Ansari’s own life.  He even included a feature from his latest Neflix feature-actual texts from people’s phones. One section even deals with the optimal type of dating profile pictures (spoiler: ladies-leave your pets outta there! Men- keep them coming!) If you are looking for your information with a side of comedy, then Modern Romance is your jam.

Not every story has a clear beginning, middle and end.  Here are three that challenge the traditional definition of "novel."

The Lover's Dictionary by David Levithan

The title of The Lover’s Dictionary describes exactly what is inside this novel: a story of a relationship told through alphabetical dictionary entries describing the large and small events that shape a relationship.  While the first entry describes a scene from the first meeting, the rest of the novel does not follow linearly. We learn of how the unnamed couple falls in love, events that cause tension, milestones in their relationship and vignettes about love. 

For example:

I, n.

Me without anyone else.

“You may have heard the news that the independent bookstore is dead, that books are dead, that maybe even reading is dead—to which I say: Pull up a chair, friend. I have a story to tell.”

Ann Patchett, “The Bookstore Strikes Back”

You might know Ann Patchett from her bestselling novel Bel Canto. But did you know that when her hometown, Nashville TN, lost its last bookstore, Patchett and two friends decided to open their own? Named after the Greek mythological mountain home to, among other things, literature, learning, and music, Parnussus Books has proved that people still buy books. In 2011, with only a name and a business plan, Patchett set off on her book tour for State of Wonder, intending to promote the new bookstore just as much, if not more than the book. 

Before Bel Canto and even before The Patron Saint of Liars, Patchett wrote nonfiction articles for magazines.  Some well-respected ones, others not as much. Here’s where things get interesting. Patchett employed a tactic she learned while writing for fashion magazines. Because issues take three months to go to press, it is almost impossible to predict what the latest trend will be when the issue is finally out. Therefore, the editors just decide what the trend is and go with it.  Ann Patchett decided in 2011 that trend was “independent bookstores” and go with it she did.  At each appearance she hyped up bookstores and books.   As she writes about in her Atlantic article “The Bookstore Strikes Back” (also published in This is the Story of a Happy Marriage), Patchett benefited greatly from the “Colbert bump” and orders for State of Wonder soared after she appeared on The Colbert Report.

While I can go on and on about Parnussus Books, another interesting fact about Ann Patchett is her relationship with the poet and memoirist Lucy Grealy.  Patchett met Grealy when they were undergraduates at Sarah Lawrence, but didn’t really become friends with her until they moved in together while attending the Iowa Writer’s Workshop.  After Grealy’s death, Patchett wrote a memoir of their friendship called Truth and Beauty. Lyrical and haunting, Patchett reflects on the young woman they once were and how their friendship evolved over the years. 

Bel Canto

World renowned opera singer Roxanne Coss has just finished giving a performance honoring a Japanese CEO at the Vice President’s house in an unnamed South American country. Suddenly terrorists break in taking everyone hostage except their intended target-the President. You see, at the last minute the President stayed home to watch his favorite soap opera.  The CEO, Mr. Hosokawa is Coss’s biggest fan, he may even be in love with her, but then again, so is everyone at the gathering.  From the Russian diplomats to the teenage terrorists, Roxanne Coss has charmed them all.  The common thread is Gen, Mr. Hosokawa’s translator.  We see how the hostages spend their days and forge relationships through his conversations.  In time the hostage situation begins to seem normal for those involved-until, of course, the rescue operation occurs. Rich and imaginative, Ann Patchett knocks it out of the park.

State of Wonder

A researcher at the pharmaceutical company, Marina Singh, is sent to the Amazon to investigate the death of her colleague Anders-who was originally sent to check the progress of Dr. Annick Swenson but hasn’t been heard from for a couple of years.  Marina has mixed feelings about this trip; she’s upset about the loss of Anders, relieved to be getting away from her married boss turned lover; anxious at meeting Annick again.  Marina had once been a resident in obstetrics under Annick-until a disastrous encounter with a patient.  After arriving in Manaus, Marina has to piece together Annick’s whereabouts.  She has left few clues about where in the Amazon she is and which tribe’s fertility she is studying.  Marina is tenacious in her efforts and comes to startling conclusions as she closes in on Annick.  Patchett has the ability to make readers forget they are not actually in the Amazon.  Readers will be left in a state of wonder by the end of this novel.

Can't get enough of Ann Patchett? Here are some other works

Run - Struggling with single parenthood and a scandal that cost him his political career, Bernard Doyle fights his disappointment with his adopted sons' career choices before a violent event forces the members of his family to reconsider their priorities.

The Magician's Assistant - After the death of a homosexual magician, his female assistant journeys from Los Angeles to Nebraska in search of the man's hidden past and discovers his estranged family, as well as the love she has always been denied

Taft - John Nickel, an African American blues musician managing a Memphis bar, hires a white brother and sister even though he knows they mean trouble, as he pines to be reunited with his son.

What Now? - An inspirational primer based on the author's 2006 commencement address at Sarah Lawrence College discusses how to manage life's crossroads, recounts times of struggle from her own life, and celebrates the benefits of not knowing what is to come.

The Martian has taken the literary world by storm. It has become such a hit that the movie based off the novel will be released in November of this year.  While you're waiting for your copy of the Martian to come in, why not give one of these titles a try.

The Martian by Andy Weir

A team of six astronauts is in the beginning stages of their mission on Mars when a dust storm unexpectedly interrupts their work on the surface of the Red Planet.  Three of the astronauts see Mark Whatney hit by debris and assume he is dead.  They can’t recover his body and save themselves so they leave him on Mars while they make the long journey back to Earth.  Unfortunately for Mark, he was only knocked unconscious and now has to figure out a way to survive on the unforgiving planet for four more years until the next mission is scheduled to arrive.  Told mostly through diary entries written by Mark, this science fiction (emphasis on science) novel is funny, suspenseful and fast-paced.  Weir is able to explain highly technical and complex processes in language that novices can understand and keep up with.  This is the ultimate novel about survival in harsh and lonely conditions.

I Am Legend by Richard Matheson

Robert Neville is the last man-living man that is, on Earth.  An incurable plague that somehow Robert is immune to, has taken over the planet and turned every human into a vampire.  Robert spends his days in hiding and his nights hunting down the non-living.  He teeters on the edge of sanity as he grapples with the meaning of life and survival when he is the only one of his species left.  A stressful and intense short story, I Am Legend is an essential story of survival and a testament the human drive to survive.

Twenty Thousand League Under the Sea by Jules Verne

French naturalist Dr. Aronnax begins an expedition to hunt down a sea monster but upon discovering the Nautilus- a futuristic submarine, he becomes of prisoner of its creator, Captain Nemo.  Together Dr. Arronax and Captain Nemo explore the majesties of the ocean.  A futuristic novel of many years past, Twenty Thousand Leagues Under the Sea is a fantastical story of exploration and survival.

Into the Wild Jon Krakauer

Into the Wild isn’t Science Fiction. Instead it’s the real life story of exploration and survival.  Chris McCandless was a young man who gave his possessions away and embarked on a journey into the wilds of Alaska-and whose body was found a mere four months later. Investigative reporter Jon Krakauer pieces together McCandless's journey and delivers a haunting and thought provoking account of one young man’s adventure.

Those of us who read the Little House on the Prairie Series as children have been eagerly awaiting Laura Ingalls Wilder’s posthumous autobiography Pioneer Girl.  The unedited, previously unpublished draft of the autobiography was originally written in 1929 served as the foundation for the Little House series after it was rejected for publication.  A columnist and editor, Wilder wrote about the 16 years her family moved through the mid-West, heavily describing the land and the work.  Unfortunately, the wait for this fantastic annotated autobiography is long, so here are some read alikes the work through while you’re waiting.

Little House in the Ozarks: The Rediscovered Writings by Laura Ingalls Wilder

This compilation contains over 140 articles that Laura Ingalls Wilder wrote from 1911-1929 and mostly published in Farmers Week.  They describe life on a Missouri Farm and of a much simpler life.  If what drew you to Prairie Girl was the nonfiction writing of Wilder; then Little House in the Ozarks  is sure to please.

Pioneer Girl by Bich Minh Nguyen

Ultra educated but unemployed, Lee Lien returns home to help her Vietnamese immigrant parents run their restaurant.  Fascinated since childhood by her mother’s broach, Lee imagined it once belonged to Laura Ingalls Wilder-left in Saigon by Wilder’s daughter, Rose.  One day, Lee’s brother disappears suddenly, with a cryptic message attached to the broach. Lee begins to wonder, and then obsess over if there’s any truth to her fantasy.  Her clues lead her to interesting parallels between Laura and Rose and her and her own mother.  If you’re interested in Laura Ingalls Wilder in a less academic sense, this engaging and character driven novel will delight.